Personal Directive Part 2

Wow. Did doing that ever mess me up in my head. I did not think that taking the time to think about my wishes and actually put them on paper would be so hard, or that it would affect me so deeply. I've talked about them before with friends and family, and was totally fine. But now... now I'm messed up in my head.

Now I want to take a look at my "List of thing to do before I Die" and start doing as many as possible as soon as possible. I want to quit my job and spend all my time with friends and family and make sure I am making the most out of my life. I know I can't do that, that I wont do that, but still... the thought of sitting behind a desk everyday when I havent seen my mother in months, havent talked to my grandparents in almost a year, and have so many people in my life that I dont know if they know how much I love them or how much they mean to me... that thought just drives me insane right now.

I just talked to my hubby and he said that he wouldnt trade what we have now for an eternity of something else, even if this is all we have. Then I started to cry.

I know the surgery is going to go well, I know I am going to get through it like the Rock Star that I am, and that a year from now you wont even be able to tell that I did donate. I do know these things, and I trust in the fact that everything happens for a reason, we just dont know it yet. For me, everything always works out for the best, always has, always will. And this is no exception.

I just need to get out of my head for a bit, I need to stop thinking about my own death and the size of my "things to do before I die" list. One of these days I will actually put that list in writing and post it here.

For now, back to work after a walk to help clear my head.