Who Knows... And Who Doesn't

One of the interesting parts of my wonderful husband's Christmas Party is that I was confronted with my surgery. What I mean by that is among the glittering trees decorated by designers and his cocktail attired coworkers, I came to find out that my surgery was not something between him and I after all. Rather, when explaining to his boss that he needed time off to accompany me for surgery, some wires got crossed and the next thing I know apparently the entire Sr Management Team from his company knew that I had donated a kidney. Apparently the only part that didn't come out was that it was an anonymous donation.

It was super wonderful, I'm standing around having a cran-soda (to not make it apparent that I wasn't drinking at a cocktail function, which I would normally be all over) and the wife of my husband's best friend (who is the second of 3 top guys at my husband's firm) starts asking me about my kidney and how my cousin was doing. I was a little shocked. In fact I believe my exact response was "What? Excuse me, but what? How do you know about that? How much do you know? Where did you find this out?" A rapid fire string of questions. I was caught totally off guard. Normally, when I know I will be telling people about this, its something that I initiate, and I have the conversation somewhat planned out. This, this was different. I didn't start this. It wasn't my doing that spread it around. I had no idea how to react. After a few briefly uncomfortable moments I excused myself from the conversation to try and find my husband to see what had happened, and low and behold, it happens again: "Hey, by the way, awesome that you donated a kidney," Similar response from me.
Although I did say to all these people that it wasn't something I wanted to talk about, I had 2, needed one and so I gave the other away. I let them continue with the notion that I had given to my cousin, I didn't really feel like talking about it.

The one thing that happened from this is that I became more open to talking about it. I did find that people's reactions before surgery and after are vastly different. Before people thought it was their right to tell me what I should  and should not do; a surprising number of people tried to talk me out of it. After, I only got positive reactions.

I started telling the rest of my family, my brother, aunt and uncle, as well as some very close family friends. I told a few more of my friends, as well as some people that asked about my surgery. In some ways I found it easier to tell people than to explain why I wasn't at work (I'm not a big fan of lying), and why I was moving around like an old lady.

Talking about it was freeing as well. I didn't have to hide any pain or discomfort, try to pretend certain activities held no interest when I really just didn't have the energy for them, or explain why I was talking certain pills and liked to nap a lot.
And when asked about why I simply say "have two, need one." And yes, if they do ask, I would do it all over again.

As for who doesn't know, other than my parents-in-law, the in-laws don't know, nor do a lot of people in my work circle. My little sister knows I had a kidney removed, but not that it was donated. Most of my immediate family knows, as do close friends, and that is how I would like to keep it, at least for now. Although, this is not set in stone. I am not out advocating for organ donation or anything like that, I am simply telling a few people what is going on in my life, as it is a big part of my life, and waiting until I am fully comfortable with these people knowing before moving on.

I do find that people look at me a little differently when they know, and I'm not a fan of that at all. Which is why there are some people who I don't plan on telling at all. For example, I don't tell people that press the issue. If a friend is asking some follow up questions from my standard statement "I'm on surgical leave" then I provide tidbits of information based on their questions, but if they don't ask, I don't tell. Then, there are the other people that knew I was going for surgical leave (particularly one woman who shares our office space) and kept pressuring me for details (not because she overly cares what it is, but because she doesn't like not knowing). She even went so far as to tell me that "I am beautiful just the way I am, and I don't need to change anything." Right. It was quite funny when I did pop back into the office for a quick visit and she was there, she kept checking me out to see if she could see what it is that I had done. Nope, boobs still the same size, as is butt and belly. Then what was it? - I could see the questions radiating from her eyes. I finally threw her a bone - abdominal surgery. Kinda made me laugh though.

I will admit, it was a bit of a relief to talk about it with some people.  I mean, this was a very major part of my life, and to lie about it and keep it hidden was not easy for me. It informed so much of my daily life that I left I was unable to really participate in much of life because I didn't want to give away what happened, nor did I want to lie. So telling people made life a lot easier, as well as making activities more enjoyable - I could stop and take all the breaks I wanted.


It was that fateful Christmas Party that started all of this rolling, but I have to admit, other than the fact that some people who I would never have told know, it wasn't that bad of a thing. So, what about you?? What has sharing your decision and/or your recovery been like? Positive? Negative? Did the word spread like wildfire or was it something you were in charge of (I asked my family to let me be the one to share the news, and they were all very respectful of my decision).